Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
