I never want to see another naked old woman again.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
