just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
