her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
