What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
