and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
im six kinds of drunk right now
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
