Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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