I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We left the knife in your bed.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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