After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
