one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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