Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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