you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
