I haven't been this sober since birth.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
