Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
