so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
