the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
