he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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