I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
