She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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