The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
