i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
