my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
When did angry sex become our thing?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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