After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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