In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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