Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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