You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
