You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
