Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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