my vag is so smooth its legendary
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
