it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
