if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
