Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Randomize
