Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
