Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
