guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
