i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
