I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
