Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
