my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
