Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
