Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
