Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
