I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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