I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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