If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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