i permit you to call me
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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