I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
