I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
