friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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