I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
