She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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